"Women hate the violence but love the man." "It's never easy to leave." Your partner will not begin a pattern of abuse until you are committed to him. Once committed women do not leave the first time their partner hurts them. Women usually stay because they believe they can help their boyfriend change and because it is a one off episode. "It won't happen again." Once you are strongly attached it can be a long and painful process leaving a disrespectful or abusive boyfriend. Many people believe that women who survive disrespectful or abusive relationships are not strong women. This is not true. You have to be very strong to survive an abusive relationship. Part of the leaving process is about finding out for yourself if your boyfriend will change. Once you are convinced he will not change you can step over feelings of love and leave. Many women who leave disrespectful men still love them. What will help you get ready to make these choices? Most women who have been in disrespectful or abusive relationships feel ashamed of loving a man who hurts them. However: Women feel much better about themselves when they realise that it is normal to be attracted to a caring man who listens. We women are raised to put a lot of value on relationships and helping a partner and friend. It is very difficult to pick who is going to be a good partner. We don't have extra-sensory perception. We need to remember that we haven't done anything wrong in loving disrespectful men. Disrespectful or abusive men take advantage of our ability to be loving and giving. It's harder to leave a disrespectful/abusive relationship than any other because: You have put so much time and effort into helping your partner change You have very strong attachments to your partner You are scared about what will happen. He may threaten to hurt you or kill himself You are scared of being alone, and your friends may have been pushed away You've lost confidence in your decisions around this relationship Women leave when they know through experience their partner won't change and realise they will feel and be better, physically and emotionally, when they are free of him. Have you or your friends had experiences like this? Tell us.