Many women who have become involved with men have found out they are disrespectful after they have "fallen in love" with them. Once you have "fallen in love" with a partner it is much harder to leave them if they decide to become disrespectful. Many of us, compared to young men, are brought up to take care of people, to love more readily and trust unconditionally someone we love. These are some of the ideas that are part of our training as women and are part of our ideas of "romantic love". These "romantic love" ideas can even affect how we behave towards someone we go out with who we are not "in love" with or committed to. Other ideas that come from "romantic love" include: it's good to put your partner's needs before your own; you're a better more complete person with a partner and jealousy is a normal part of a loving relationship. Even though most 13 to 18 year old girls don't want a "committed" relationship, most of us still believe in the idea of some day "falling in love". A lot of information and stories in teen and adult magazines really encourage this idea that love can just happen and that you will have very little control over it. This and the other ideas of "romantic love" can reinforce all of the stereotypes that your partner uses when he is being disrespectful. Such as putting his needs before your own, expecting total trust from you despite past bad behaviour, accepting jealousy is a good enough reason for his hurting you. Ideas of "true love" can have you doing all sorts of things that are not healthy for you. Just think about the following thoughts a young woman may have around condom use. For example, a young woman may not insist on her boyfriend using a condom because that may mean she doesn't trust that her partner's faithful. If you don't trust your partner does that mean you are not really in love? Do good women have sex without love? What do your friends say about women who have sex with men they are not in love with? So you can see how an easy solution may be to go with your partner's idea of not wearing a condom. Some young men reinforce this idea by challenging you and your trust in them if you insist on using a condom. What are the benefits of "romantic love" for you? We women are intelligent so the idea of "romantic love" wouldn't get a look in if there weren't some rewards. Initially it may feel good to be part of such a widely held coming of age tradition. You may feel part of a group and feel accepted and liked because you are doing what is seen as normal and desirable. You may feel special because you have someone just for you. Being physically and emotionally close to someone is great. These are normal emotions and if your partner is respectful, your ideas of "romantic love" will change into loving intimacy. If this happens you may never have to question yourself around ideas of total trust. You and your partner will work out a balance of each other's needs. However, if your partner chooses to be disrespectful and pushes for you to do things that you are not comfortable with or not ready for, then the ideas of "romantic love" may work against you. For example, trusting your partner may lead to unsafe sex without a condom which puts you at risk of a sexually transmitted disease or teenage pregnancy. Does this mean we shouldn't be loving? Definitely not. Your ability to love is great. Love should be a great feeling. However, be careful not to mistake "romantic love" for true intimacy. True intimacy is like our description of respect with a lot of pleasure attached. Real intimacy like "romantic love" can start out with a strong physical attraction. How would you know things were going in the right direction? How would you know things weren't going in the right direction and were becoming disrespectful? Have you or your friends had experiences like this? Tell us.