Print this sheet off and write your ideas in the spaces. You can print this sheet from your browser (by pressing the 'print' button on the toolbar or selecting 'print' in the File menu). Write a list of the ways in which you think your boyfriend has been or is being unfair or abusive towards you. (See the disrespect quiz for some examples) ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________   What does your boyfriend gain through his behaviour? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________   How has the abuse made you feel? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ How does or has the abuse affected you - how has it affected your confidence, your relationships, and your life in general? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ How have the negative messages that your boyfriend has given you made you feel about yourself? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________   How have you been able to not let the abuse overwhelm you completely? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ If you break up: Good points / what could I gain? ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ Bad points / what could I lose? ______________________________ ______________________________ ______________________________ ______________________________ ______________________________ ______________________________ ______________________________ If you stay in the relationship: Good points / what could I gain? ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________   Bad points / what could I lose? ______________________________ ______________________________ ______________________________ ______________________________ ______________________________ ______________________________ ______________________________ ______________________________ ______________________________ What's your worst fear if you leave? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ What's your worst fear if you stay? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Who can you talk to who could help? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ What personal strengths do you have to help you keep going? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ What are some steps you will take to try to change this situation? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ What can you do to feel safer (either in the relationship or after breaking up)? (see ideas in The Safety Plan) ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________   What things can you do for yourself, to feel stronger? (eg: spend more time with my friends, keep a journal, etc) Or ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Have you or your friends had experiences like this? Tell us. Supplied courtesy of: The Domestic Violence & Incest Resource Centre (DVIRC) Melbourne, Australia. (c) 1998, When Love Hurts website.